So, this is another random writing. Err it's not really random since I've been struggling with this the previous weeks.
The day after I got back to Indonesia, I read a quote from my UGRAD fellow. She wrote: "This U.S experience gives me more strength and courage. I'm ready to face challenges no mather how hard they will be."
It was blowing my mind. It was giving me like, somehow a power to lift up my head and survive the reverse culture shock. It made me think that, I've been to America, alone, made my 4 months there went incredibly well. So, I definitely can stand this. Yes.
That was my thought.
That was my thought.
It's been almost 2 months.
I don't want to exaggerate anything or what, but it seems like it will take me forever to get over my exchange. I don't want to but I keep comparing everything in here to back in the US. I keep searching for what I had.
Am I being ungrateful?
I'm saying this not because I'm not trying to re-adjust.
I am. I definitely am.
But lately, things just go harder. Harder than before. I thought that the beginning was the hardest part. After I started it, things might get easier.
Now I'm struggling with a lot of things.
Everything and everyone seems to give me a hard time.
I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm... what else? Aku capek.
I don't know if anybody would read my blog ever again.
But if you, yes you, are reading this.. could you help me?
Help me, help me get myself through this hard time. Don't give me another hard time by asking me why or asking me for explanation. It's kind of a burden to me.
Just, tell me that everything is gonna be fine. I've been telling this to myself thousand times. Probably it's gonna be different if somebody else says it to me.
Help me...
:'(
-Padang, 28 01 17
